Phil ([info]experiential) wrote,
@ 2005-01-22 02:01:00
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Current music:Depeche Mode - Walking in My Shoes

Just waves of despair. Weird. Where did this come from? I feel like I'm in a psychic fog all of a sudden - like I have a head cold and can't quite sense the world. I know this feeling separate from real colds. It's depression. It's the spiral starting. When I used to feel this, I medicated myself immediately, which usually didn't help, but at least it made it duller, or distracted me. Where is this coming from? Why is it happening now? I know I have two weeks til a year. I know I've been confused by this crush. I know I sort of made a date today with another person. I know... this makes no sense. I know that my life is really good. I know that when I'm with friends, which is a lot, I experience real joy way more than I ever did in my life before. But none of that is accessible right at this moment. But I know it will pass.


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[info]teatongue
2005-01-22 05:35 am UTC (link)
Oh, I am so sorry you are going through this. Your post really struck a nerve. Be good to yourself. Watch bad TV and eat ice cream. It will pass, I promise. Hang on.

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[info]experiential
2005-01-22 09:41 am UTC (link)
Thank you. I'm touched. Actually, I watched Judging Amy and lost myself in the troubles of kids in the juvenile court system -- had me a good fiction-induced cry. (Though the major plot shift of her being discovering she's pregnant makes me worry I'm going to lose interest in one of my favorite shows.) Also ate Ben & Jerry's Phish Food, which though I don't care for the band is a damned fine (or should I say wicked good) ice cream flavor.

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[info]jenn_xx
2005-01-22 06:07 am UTC (link)
its not fun with this happens. as both tt and i can attest. a hot bath is always good for the soul.
i spent three months feeling like that this year. but it will pass, as you said. try not to beat yourself up in the meantime.

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[info]experiential
2005-01-22 09:50 am UTC (link)
Thanks. I really wasn't expecting responses. I'm so touched. I wish I could take your suggestion. If you've read my Friendster profile, you'll know that while baths are one of my favorite things, the bathroom in my current apartment has a stupid 4' tub in it, plus the cat box is in that teeny room, so there's really no way to enjoy a bath. But I am trying to pamper myself today in whatever ways I can. Thanks.

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In Addition, You Might Wanna Turn Off the Depeche Mode...
[info]emcee_lotion
2005-01-22 11:17 am UTC (link)
...and turn up "Walking On Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, if only for the irony. Don't be afraid to dance around the room in your tighty whities and Ray-Bans, m'man!

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Re: In Addition, You Might Wanna Turn Off the Depeche Mode...
[info]experiential
2005-01-22 11:47 am UTC (link)
Hah! Good point. But come on, it's so much fun to listen to depressing music when you're already depressed. Wallowing is so gratifying. At least I didn't pull out the Sarah McLachlan. That actually makes me cry. Every time. But I had Depeche Mode spinning (so to speak) because I was still tickled from learning earlier yesterday that I'll be working with them on a political thing in the Spring. Re Walkin' On Sunshine, a) you certainly didn't need to say who did it, b) of course both the Depeche Mode and Katrina and the Waves songs are in my iTunes (along with Walking Higher by Heather Nova, Walking on Water by Melissa Etheridge, and These Boots Are Made for Walkin' by Nancy Sinatra.)

OK, I just put on the Sarah McLachlan.
"we carry on our back the burden time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
I've held so dear

I've fallen
I have sunk so low
I messed up
Better I should know"

She's so sexy.

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