experiential - Day

2:01AM

Just waves of despair. Weird. Where did this come from? I feel like I'm in a psychic fog all of a sudden - like I have a head cold and can't quite sense the world. I know this feeling separate from real colds. It's depression. It's the spiral starting. When I used to feel this, I medicated myself immediately, which usually didn't help, but at least it made it duller, or distracted me. Where is this coming from? Why is it happening now? I know I have two weeks til a year. I know I've been confused by this crush. I know I sort of made a date today with another person. I know... this makes no sense. I know that my life is really good. I know that when I'm with friends, which is a lot, I experience real joy way more than I ever did in my life before. But none of that is accessible right at this moment. But I know it will pass.